Projecting the future

You know, we alcoholics have a bad habbit of projecting, or "predicting", the future. My daughter (who is living away from me with her mother right now) turned sixteen this week. I was sure there would be a party, but had heard no mention of it. Her birthday was today, Saturday but I figured the party would be at the barn where she boards her two horses tomorrow. When Id heard nothing by Friday, I was sure her mother had decided not to invite me over. "How could she! How DARE her not tell me about my own daughters sixteenth birthday party!"
Never mind the fact that I was the recovering alcoholic dad, and mabye mom would feel uncomfortable if I were there. Never mind the fact that in actuality, this day would be my DAUGHTER'S day.. I felt like I should be there. Me Me Me! How selfish of me.

After a day of some self indulging pity and much worrying I became convinced. They were going to have the party without poor ol dad. In my my mind I pictured my daughter asking me why I hadnt showed up for her party. Another one of moms screw ups I thought. Id explain that mom must hate dad. Id tell her all the things mom ever did wrong. Id get even! Then of course Id have to deal with my wife. I pictured the argument. She'd tell me I was wrong for telling my daughter all those things. Id respond with one nasty comment after another. I thought up just the right things to say to make her feel guilty.

As yesterday wore on I became more and more upset. The day went terribly. Work was like trudging through thick mud, and I was full of resentment and pain, and getting madder by the minute. Finally at home last night I sat down at my desk with my coffee, feeling utterly helpless and rejected. When would I find out they'd had the party? How long would it take me to get over the hurt? How would it affect my daughter? Would this ruin all chances of my wife and I ever reconciling?

The phone rang at eight thirty. It was my daughter. "Dad, arent you comming over?" I was flabbergasted.
"was I supposed to?" I asked. "why would I?"

"tonights my party, I thought I told you"...
Why do we want to predict how bad things will always be? Why do we glory in self pitty, especially false pity?
We couldnt run the world when we were drunk, and we sure as hell can't run it now. I should have just trusted God. He runs things, not I.
(It was a great little party, no one felt uncomfortable, and she even opened dads gift first)