My Story (part three)

Some people drink for courage. Shy and lonely, afraid of people and of society, they find that drinking allows them to "be somebody". They can laugh, talk in crowds, dance, and flirt. Drinking makes them superman. The cool guy or gal. Or so they think. My alcohol addiction was different. I didnt want to be popular. I didnt want to go out. My alcohol was simply a tranquilizer for all my fears. At a very young age I was plagued with a terrible fear of darkness. I was never good at sports, I got picked on at school, and began to fear people. As an adult I developed some distinct phobias. Although no longer afraid of the dark so to speak, I was petrified of the night. Of sleeping. Of dreams. I feard for my life daily, but from what I dont know. I showered with my eyes open. I knew there was no basis for these fears, but they wouldnt go away. I unplugged my phone, slept till 2 pm. I was a nervouse wreck. I can say from experiance now, the fear of lonliness can not be overcome by isolating ones self. It just doesnt work out. When I sat down in the evening and began to drink, all my fears and phobias were made dull. In a drunken stupor, I couldnt be afraid. I sat for hours straing at the TV, not thinking, not moving, unless it was to get more to drink from the kitchen. Eventualy, passing out, I was able to sleep soundly, without wondering what was in the night.Or even if Id locked the front door. Alcohol became my awnser to all problems. Financial, social, buisness, and family problems. When I was drunk, they didnt worry me. So I stayed drunk.
When the beer consumption began to have serious consequences, the tables turned. The drinking problems overshadowed the fear problems. I lost jobs, my wife hated me, my friends didnt want me around.