The miracle

The miracle of sobriety, and it is a miracle if your anything like me... that is, you were beaten down by acohol to a state of helpless, useless, worthless, self pity and demoralization, is a miracle that never stops. Every day now, I see new things happening in my life. These past eight months have been for me, the best times of my entire forty four years. I now have a job. A real job, that requires I get up mornings, pack a lunch, and go off to a place where Im needed to perform a duty and be productive. What a wonderfull thing. Me, self reliant, self centered, have my own way, do it myself me. Ive done more in my life than most folks ever will. Ive had a real estate liscense. An auctioneers liscence. A lawn service. A remodeling and home improvement buisness. Ive managed restaurants, took a two year cullinary arts class, even ran my own little sandwich shop. Most people say, "wow! your a real talented guy. What an entrepernrial spirit!" Blah... I spent my entire life trying to be the best of the best of whatever I decided my destiny ought to be. I wanted to run the show. Whatever I was doing, I boasted about how great I was at it. Id be rich some day, surly.. God would see to it. I say again, blah...
My destiny is not what I decide. I have an assigned role here on earth. My role is to be the best man I can be. The best father, the best grandfather. The best citizen. This I cannot accomplish through sheer will power, or under my own power. When I decided to give up my stubborn ways, to quit playing God, and simply do the right things on a daily basis, it was like the parting of the waves. Not only did a perfect job fall in my lap, but I somehow was given the ability to actually get up in the morning when the alarm went off, work a full day, come home tired, and LIKE it. My bills are getting paid. I was able to buy my daughter some new clothes. I can go a whole week without being totally broke. But thats not all... no no, these miracles just keep comming. Nine months ago I was spending my days hiding under a blanket on the couch. I kept the lights off, the doors locked, the phone unplugged. I wouldnt go out unless I had to, I developed an extreme night time phobia... I even showered with my eyes open. I was a wreck. This week I chaired a meeting in front of twenty people and talked about alcoholism. I wasnt even nervous. Next week I'm speaking for a group, and Im currently working closely with two guys just finding sobriety. How did this happen? Well, not over night, that's for sure. But in a period of only nine months, after being an alcoholic for years and years... thats ... well, a miracle.
Obviosly alcohol has to be removed from your life. But more importantly, one must find help. A program, a treatment center, an AA group... some kind of organiztion that knows how to deal with the problem of alcoholism. Think about it like this. If your an alcoholic, your life's a wreck, you cant function properly, you dont know what to do next... how can you POSSIBLY come up with a cure that might even START to help? You CANT. Get help. Do it now. Today. Grab the phone book and look for some phone numbers. Theyre in there. If you cant do it, ask a friend to make the call for you. Or click one of the many links on my site and find a program. There are some issues that must be dealt with that will finally help, once and for all... If your ready for a miracle. I pray that you are.

My Story (part three)

Some people drink for courage. Shy and lonely, afraid of people and of society, they find that drinking allows them to "be somebody". They can laugh, talk in crowds, dance, and flirt. Drinking makes them superman. The cool guy or gal. Or so they think. My alcohol addiction was different. I didnt want to be popular. I didnt want to go out. My alcohol was simply a tranquilizer for all my fears. At a very young age I was plagued with a terrible fear of darkness. I was never good at sports, I got picked on at school, and began to fear people. As an adult I developed some distinct phobias. Although no longer afraid of the dark so to speak, I was petrified of the night. Of sleeping. Of dreams. I feard for my life daily, but from what I dont know. I showered with my eyes open. I knew there was no basis for these fears, but they wouldnt go away. I unplugged my phone, slept till 2 pm. I was a nervouse wreck. I can say from experiance now, the fear of lonliness can not be overcome by isolating ones self. It just doesnt work out. When I sat down in the evening and began to drink, all my fears and phobias were made dull. In a drunken stupor, I couldnt be afraid. I sat for hours straing at the TV, not thinking, not moving, unless it was to get more to drink from the kitchen. Eventualy, passing out, I was able to sleep soundly, without wondering what was in the night.Or even if Id locked the front door. Alcohol became my awnser to all problems. Financial, social, buisness, and family problems. When I was drunk, they didnt worry me. So I stayed drunk.
When the beer consumption began to have serious consequences, the tables turned. The drinking problems overshadowed the fear problems. I lost jobs, my wife hated me, my friends didnt want me around.

How it is.

What joy I find in the winds comforting touch, in the suns gentle breath. What wonder I find, I was pulled from death. Lifted up, shaken dry, God spoke to me and wiped my eyes. What peace came over my restless nights, my nightmares vanished, my wrongs made right. My past desolved and future clear, God spoke again, removed my fear. What feeling there is in the cool falling rain. How soft the senses, how far away that sensless pain. From sick and wilted to beautifull bloom, God saved my soul from certain doom. What wonder I see in every day. May I now have courage, patiance,strength. For someone else. Someone who needs the joy, the touch, the wonder and peace, so freely givin me.

It takes all kinds

Please ignore the idiots that are spamming my blog with advertisements in the "comments" . What a sick world when someone tries to take advantage of a service oriented site like this. I do look at all comments, and would appreciate yours, but now I have to take the time to impliment spam blocking software. Only a tiny inconviniance wich would be hugely overshadowed if just one alcoholic found something usefull here.